sam rae studios

When the lights are off and this part of the world is asleep — I lie awake thinking of you.

Are you in pain?

Are you mad at me?

Are you anxious?

Are you ready to let go?

These questions amongst a million more plague my mind.

During the day, I’m fine. I smile. I laugh. I can talk about you without crying…

But at night, the grief overwhelms me and it keeps me from sleeping.

Do you know that I’m not beside you? Do you know that you’re always on my mind? Do you know that I am actually right there beside you? Despite being so far away. I’m still right beside you. As I’ve always been since the beginning.

I look at your old photos, watch your videos — torturing myself with the thought that I may never again get to see your smile, your laugh, your strength… you.

How am I supposed to survive this?